12 Thoughts on the 2017 Golden Globes

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'La La Land' sweeps the Golden Globes
‘La La Land’ sweeps the Golden Globes

La La Land swept the major movie awards and Emma Stone may now be an Oscar frontrunner, but everyone’s talking about that Meryl Streep speech. Read up below for these and more highlights from the 2017 Hollywood Foreign Press Association Daytime Tequila Drinking Competition, a.k.a. The Golden Globe Awards.

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Opening Musical Number

The Globes, always overshadowed by the Oscars, this year just flat-out became the Oscars. Jimmy Fallon’s opening musical/cold open number, complete with Jon Snow and Barb from Stranger Things coming back to life and the obvious La La Land spoof (down to Ryan Gosling’s stray hair), and ending with Ernst, Young and Putin and a long series of Donald Trump jokes.

The best part: the teleprompter going down just as Fallon started his monologue, a gleeful moment for all the Fallon haters. Now we’ll see he’s a talentless hack — and so will the rest of America. Luckily for the host, the monologue reappeared in front of him before the whole show fell apart. Later on, though, the announcer will introduce Hugh Grant, Fallon will return instead for a lame Mariah Carey joke… and then goes on to introduce… Hugh Grant.

 

Aaron Taylor-Johnson in 'Nocturnal Animals'
Aaron Taylor-Johnson in ‘Nocturnal Animals’

The First Surprise

Aaron Taylor-Johnson won for Nocturnal Animals, leading to the first collective “Who? What?” as no one has heard of him or seen this movie. In keeping with the fact that this is the Golden Globes, it’s best if you tell yourself, “I’ve never heard of this person or this title, so they’re going to win.” Nine times out of ten, you’ll win that bet.

 

No Clips

The part that drives everyone the craziest about the Globes is that there aren’t even any clips before the awards are given out, so you don’t even get a moment to remember what you love or find a great performance to root for. It’s just “Here are the nominees” and “Let’s just give Billy Bob another Globe for something.” (We did get the instant-classic line: “It’s easy to talk about people but it’s hard to stick your neck out,” so that made his win worth it.) And no, recutting trailers and using them to “introduce” the Best Picture noms doesn’t count.

 

Panicked Pianist

Who would have thought that there would be so many “pianist” jokes?

 

Donald Glover, 'Atlanta'
Donald Glover, ‘Atlanta’

Hotlanta

Atlanta, widely predicted to win on account of it being the only first-year series nominated (the Globes can’t resist playing kingmaker), picked up a win for best comedy series. “We didn’t think anybody was gonna like this show,” said creator Donald Glover, who went on to win for Best Actor, in the most inspiring throwaway line of the night. We’ve all thought no one would like our art — hearing a multitalented Globe winner say that was incredibly endearing.

 

Fiiinally, Sarah Paulson

Can you believe Sarah Paulson has never won a Golden Globe? Not for Game Change? Not even for playing a two-headed character on American Horror Story? Well, she finally won for The People Vs. O.J. Simpson and went a long way toward restoring Marcia Clark’s image with her dedication.

 

Viola Davis

The winner for Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture gently ribbed the Hollywood Foreign Press for having nominated her four previous times without a win, despite the fact that she went to all the lunches and posed for all the pictures with the voters. Nicely done, Viola!

 

Goldie Hawn and Amy Schumer

Seemingly scripted yet so naturally acted that you never would have thought they were acting. That actually makes their upcoming buddy comedy seem like it might actually be funny.

Ryan Gosling's acceptance speech, Golden Globes 2017
Ryan Gosling’s acceptance speech, Golden Globes 2017

 

Ryan Gosling

Gosling won for Best Actor in A Musical or Comedy and graciously thanked wife Eva Mendes for taking care of their daughter and her own, dying brother so he could take the role in La La Land. Holy hell, how could you not have choked up here?

 

Damien Chazelle

Can a creator become a star? Lin-Manuel Miranda did it. You could argue Vince Gilligan and David Simon have done it, same for sure with Shonda Rhimes. Now, it seems Damien Chazelle, winner for La La Land’s script, direction and producing, and bound to go on to even bigger, more hotly-anticipated things, may have walked away from the Globes a household name.

 

More Weird Technical Problems

Did anyone else notice that camera angle switches… didn’t match? One winner rose from his seat, kissed the star of his film, turned toward the stage… and then we saw him turn toward the stage again. Tom Hiddleston kissed Anna Kendrick and accepted his trophy for The Night Manager from Justin Theroux… but not even a split second later, he was alone at the podium, having turned around almost 180 degrees. There were other strange snafus, possibly caused by activating the seven-second delay mechanism to block the three children still up watching the freakin’ Golden Globes.

 

Meryl Streep's powerful speech while accepting the Cecil B. DeMille Award
Meryl Streep’s powerful speech while accepting the Cecil B. DeMille Award

Meryl Streep Wins

Everyone is talking about this speech — here it is in its entirety. Yes, it took Trump to task. Yes, Trump called Streep “overrated” afterwards. Yes, it overshadowed the rest of the show. None of this should be surprising to anyone, yet it’s front page news around the world this morning. Go figure. Overlooked but also memorable was the heartfelt tribute from Viola Davis, this Tweet from The Onion, and that cutaway shot to right-winger Vince Vaughn’s death stare.

 

Beardos

Chris Pine, Tom Hiddleston, Casey Affleck, Kenneth Lonergan, and more terrible facial hair choices highlighted the male fashion portion of the evening, while The Battle of the Cleavage raged on the female side.

 

The Jimmy Fallon/Questlove Cypress Hill Intro

Is “Chastain and the Redmayne” this generation’s Uma/Oprah?

 

People vs OJ Simpson
People vs OJ Simpson, Best Miniseries

The Other Winners

  • Tracie Ellis Ross won over the crowd with her sweet speech, but we can’t help but point out how incredible she looked — and always looks.
  • The People Vs. O.J. Simpson defeated The Night Of and other less star-studded fare for the Best Miniseries trophy.
  • Hugh Laurie (total non-shocker for his third-Golden-Globe-winning-performance in The Night Manager, an honor which he called “a terrible mixup”) called this “the last-ever Golden Globes… it has the words Hollywood, foreign and press in the title.” It was the first of many disses at the Republicans, President-elect Drumpf and “psychopathic billionaires everywhere.”
  • “Anal tradition” — Sofia Vergara was sent forward to make foreign-accent jokes at her own expense, and then to introduce the Stallone Sisters who were handing out awards, and who are going to get a huge Instagram following out of all this.
  • The music team from La La Land told themselves: “We have to calm down, we’re so nervous!” Another great, totally endearing moment.
  • The Globes made the right call giving Zootopia the Best Animated Film trophy, a movie that “not only entertained kids but spoke to adults about embracing diversity, even when there are people in the world who want to divide us with fear…” and they even worked in jokes “about a sloth working at the DMV.”
  • Claire Foy, who won for the brand-new series The Crown, gave a wonderful speech thanking the former Dr. Who, the great John Lithgow and powerful women like Queen Elizabeth and Foy’s own daughter.
  • …but really? The Crown over Game of Thrones? Did they see that Battle of the Bastards episode?? If ever that show deserved one of the gazillion awards it has won, this was the time.
  • Emma Stone dedicated her Best Actress – Comedy/Musical award to pretty much every actor ever, but she was upstaged by surprise Best Actress – Drama winner Isabelle Huppert who gasped her way through a speech full of graciousness, and genuine, selfless praise for “people all over the world.”
  • The HFPA bucked conventional wisdom (which claimed that bad publicity had devastated his chances) and gave Casey Affleck the Best Actor – Drama award, which he accepted and even thanked his “love,” estranged wife Summer Phoenix. Watch as the momentum now swings back his way once more.
  • La La Land was the largest winner in the history of the Globes, while Moonlight came away with only one award — but it was the final one and the biggest of the night. Since both were the unsurprising winners in the two Best Picture categories, the race for the Best Picture Oscar is now a two-film showdown, thus relegating Manchester At the Sea to the status of this year’s Boyhood and American Hustle — the movie most likely to stand the test of time but the biggest loser at the podium.
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